In The Words Of A Broken Heart
by nickersoncrazy
Summary: She remembers the last words he said to her, she remembers his last gesture...Can she live on just memories? Following 'Wounded Heart'
1. Chapter 1

A follow up to 'Wounded Heart', from Nancy's POV this time, written for those who requested for it. I suggest you read that story before reading this one if you haven't.

_PLEASE REVIEW!!_

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I didn't see it coming - I had no idea it would hurt this badly. I can't - as much as I try - I can't stop thinking about him. And I hate myself for that. This what was I had thouhgt I had wanted. It was my decision that tore us apart. The decision that is now hurting the both of us, Ned and I. 

People make mistakes, nobody's perfect - I know that. But what I did killed him - I crushed him, I crushed all his hopes of us looking foward to a beautiful life. Together. Just the two of us. Ned and I.

But I messed up - big time. The only thing I can do now is dream. Dream of us as husband and wife, so very much in love. I could have been with him now, instead of at home, all alone. My _old_ house. With divorce papers in my hand.

Frank and I couldn't work it out. Impossible was the word. He knew that Ned was on my mind all the time - he had accused me of that. And he was right. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Ned. I imagined what my life with him would have been like. Frank said that he couldn't live like that - knowing that his wife was in love with someone else. He didn't want me anymore. And as the minutes crawl by, I begin to realize something - something that I should have seen:

_Frank did not love me._

If he did, he would have forgiven me. If he did, he would have given me another chance - the million ways Ned did. Ned had forgiven me a thousand times - for all the times I hurt him, for all the times I had been unfaithful. He forgave me because he loved me - just the way I was. He loved that girl even though she had crushed his heart._ He loved me so much._

There's something else that I realize - something that I should have known all along.

_I did not love Frank._

I did not love Frank. I see that clearly now. I had thought that we were meant to be because we had never fought. But that was exactly the problem. We were very much alike. We had almost no differences. And I thought that meant we'd be the perfect couple. But I was wrong - dead wrong.

I miss Ned. I miss the way he used to squeeze my hand, I miss seeing him smile. I miss everything about him. And I_ know_ that he still loves me. He said that he always would, for as long as he lived. I remember that.

I hate myself. I hate everything that I am. I hurt Frank - but I knew that he did not really need me. And I had hurt Ned - I had hurt him, given him so much of pain, put him through the wringer - but inspite of all the he still loved me. That was the kind of unconditional love that nobody else could give me. The kind of love that I could give no one except him. Except Ned. But it's too late - I've ruined both our lives.

There are times when I suddenly jerk awake in bed - just wanting to hear his voice. That was all I wanted. But then I look around and... he isn't there. He'll never be. And then I cry, I bawl until I'm exhausted, thinking of how happy he would have made me. Thinking of all that I'm missing. Thinking of what my life could have been.

My heart hasn't stopped aching, since he had proposed to me for the second time. The _second_ time because he loved me with all his heart, so much that he had refused to give me up. I didn't say no then. I didn't say anything. I just cried. But I wanted to say yes, I wanted to tell him to slip that ring onto my finger, but I didn't know how to. I was scared.

I remember how he said that he would have in in his heart, always. I had never felt so immensely loved, I had never felt so happy. That simple gesture had filled my whole heart with love for him, love that I never should have doubted becauseof the simple fact that it was so true, so deep.

We used to fight almost always. But I just realized that we used to fight because we were crazy about each other, because we never, ever wanted to lose each other. He had always cared so much for me. He had helped me get through the terrible nightmare I had faced after my father's death. I can never forget that. He had been there when I neede him the most. God had sent him at the right time, to be with me.

_So where was he now?_

I hadn't called him ever since - I'm just afraid to. What if he's moved on? What if he didn't love me anymore? Knowing that would simply kill me. I didn't want to move on, myself. It was Ned or it was nothing. I never want to start a new relationship with sombody else. I just wouldn't be the same. There's nobody in the world who can hold my hand the way Ned can, nobody else who knew what to say at the right time except him.

Frank didn't care when I was on a case. He didn't even tell me to be careful because that's just who he is. But with Ned...everything was different. He had always been so protective of me, he used to be worried sick whenever is was doing something dangerous. And although it got on my nerves sometimes, I loved that about him. It made me feel...special, like there was someone who cared about me.

I have no idea about how I'm going to get through the rest of my life like this. Day after day, and my heartache deepens. All I can do is sit a round and wait to die of a heartbreak - that's what I do.

It's just another of those nights when I can't sleep.

I crawl out of bed, not knowing where I was going to.

I can't live like this anymore.

--

I'm walking aimlessly down the streets, not knowing where I'm headed. It's something I've been doing a lot recently because I want to be alone. I need to solve the puzzle of my heart before it can completely crumble.

My thoughts flash back to Ned – like they always do. My life without him was starting to seem impossible. Those two words – yes to Frank and no to Ned had ruined me.

I knew that Ned would eventually be happier without me. I knew that his life would seem a lot less…painful, if I wasn't in it. But he still loved me – he loved me for the heartbreaker that I am. He could have dumped me anytime and gotten himself a much more attractive girl – someone he'd be happy with – but he didn't. He had always wanted me. I was his – just his.

I look around the city, like the first time I'm seeing it and everything seems so dark, everything seems so cold. I look around some places, remembering moments that Ned and I had shared and for the first time in seven months, I manage a smile. We had had some wonderful times together – times that I long for to happen again.

I had never been loved as much as by him. It is only without him that I realize his worth – he means everything to me. I just can't help but feel hopelessly miserable. I am absolutely nothing without him. When I had been with Frank, something had been missing in my heart – and now I come to know that it was him. My heart and soul are just incomplete without him in my life.

I never knew how dependent I was on his love. I never knew how life could be when you had no one to lean on, no one to hold.

I take a deep breath, fighting the tears that well up in my eyes. Wrapping my arms around myself, against the cold of the night, I continue to walk.

All I want is one chance – one chance to tell him how much I love him. I just want him to know how precious he is to me.

I walk along – half hoping some car runs over me – that's how depressed I am. Looking around, I see, in the distance, a couple standing together in a dark corner, sharing a special moment. And at that, the tears begin to flow.

Ned and I used to be like that – so much in love with each other.

For some reason, I can't look away from the couple. Maybe it's because it reminds me so much of my own past.

I don't know why it always happens to us. There's never a time when one of us isn't hurting. And I am the source of all that hurt. I just don't understand why we can't be normal couple that lives happily ever after.

Maybe that's just our destiny – our fate. As much as the thought hurts, maybe we were never meant to have a future together.

My eyes still can't look away from that couple – and I don't know why. I watch as the guy pulls away from a kiss and wraps his arms around the girl, pulling her head to rest gently against his shoulder.

And that's when I can see him – that's when I realize who he is.

And I collapse, right in the middle of no where, when I realize that the love of _my_ life is that guy.

Ned.

That's when I begin to feel the walls crashing in on me.

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Pretty short, I know. I was running out of things to write.

Okay, I haven't decided to bring Nancy and Ned back together or to let it remain as angst value. And I am very much open to ideas for the next and probably last chapter, so if you have any, please let me know via a PM or a review. Thanks!

nickersoncrazy:,,,!


	2. Chapter 2

**This is pretty much the end of this bi-chapter story.Please, please read and tell me what you think!**

**Thanks to boyzaremylife for her idea!**

**nickersoncrazy:,,,!**

**PS: I don't own the lyrics to 'The Best Of My Love' by the Eagles, even though I wish I did, lol :D**

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I feel like walking over to him and punching him in the stomach. We were apart the past seven months, but the only thing that got me through those times, which gave me a reason to live was the hope of us getting back together. Someway, someday. But now he's turning back on me. Crushing me. 

But he's too busy to notice. Just too busy to notice the tears rolling down my face, to notice all the pain he's causing me.

And then he pulls away gently, and I can see the soft glow in his eyes. The eyes that I drowned, melted into a long, long time ago.

I can feel my heart breaking – the stabbing hurt sinking in, right through the core. I bury my hands in my hair and cry hard – cry because I'm losing the boy I love more than anything else.

I look up at him again, trying to keep out of his sight, but in vain. His eyes met mine, and his mouth hung open slightly at the shock of seeing his former girlfriend in so much of pain – so much of afflicting pain.

All of a sudden, he's all I can see. The world around me forgotten, all I can see is him approaching. As new angry tear well up in my eyes, as my heart further clenches in pain, he moves closer, until he's within touching distance. My heart pounds like crazy.

"Nancy," he breathes, disbelieving. His trembling hands reach up and touch my face gently, and the rush of love I feel for him is just so bittersweet. All I want is to fall helpless into his arms, and feel my mouth against his, to tell him that I love him…but my heart…it's still broken.

I push him away half-heartedly. The tears just don't seem to stop. "Why?" I cry out. "How could you do this to me?"

"Nancy," he whispers. "Oh, Nan…I – "

"I don't care what you have to say," I burst out suddenly. "How could you hurt me so much?"

Suddenly he turns angry as well. "Oh, so that's how it is? You can go get _married_ to someone, but I can't even kiss one girl? What's you problem anyway? You've got Frank, you don't need me."

"I don't love Frank!" I shouted. I'm dying on the inside. "I just realized that. We've even applied for divorce."

He looks momentarily shocked. "Divorce?"

I bit my lip painfully as another tear rolled down. "Yeah," I choke out. "I never realized how much you meant to me," I whisper.

"And you never will," he replies bitterly. "All you've ever done is hurt me. If you really loved me, none of this would have happened."

He's right. I can really blame him for feeling that way. Reaching out for his hand, I whisper, "I'm so sorry, Ned."

He tilts my chin to look into my eyes. "You don't know the meaning of that word, Nancy." He pulls away his hand, and turns away.

He's moving away from me – he's going away. But I can't lose him again. All the pain has taught me just how much I care about him and how much I need him in my life.

"Ned, please." I reach for his hand again. He turns toward me and my heart breaks at the sight of the hurt in his eyes. It brings back old memories… "I'm begging you, Ned. Please don't leave me. I love you," I say, the tears evident in my voice, "and I want you to love me, too."

He squeezes my hand gently. "Nan, I _do_ love you. But…this relationship…it just isn't working out. I hate that you expect me to be there for you even when you hurt me so much. You expect me to wait for you while you move on with your life. I can't do that – not anymore." The pain in his eyes met mine, and the injury he had just caused to my heart, knew no bounds. "I'm sorry," he whispers finally.

"You've got a girlfriend," I say sadly. "I hope she's not a jerk like me. I hope she never hurts you the way I did. You really love her don't you?"

"Nancy, I hardly know that girl. She's not my girlfriend."

"Then come back to me," I beg.

He looks down sadly into my eyes. "I can't, Nancy – I can't keep killing myself for you. I'm sorry."

He walks away, leaving me alone in the dark. Leaving me alone to sob out all the pain.

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_Every night, I'm lying in bed, holding you close,_

_In my dreams._

_Thinking about all the things that we said,_

_Coming apart at the seams._

_We tried to talk it over, but the words come out too rough._

_I know you were trying to give me the best of your love…_

…_I'm going tin back in time _

_And it's a sweet dream._

_It was a quite night_

_But I will be all right, _

_If I could go on sleeping…_

…_But every morning,_

_I wake up and worry,_

_What's going to happen today?_

_You see it your way, and I see it mine,_

_But we both see it slipping away._

_You know we always had each other, baby,_

_I guess it wasn't enough…_

…_But here in my heart, _

_I give you the best of my love…_

_--_

I woke up, the next morning, after an entire night of crying, to the smell of roses. Blinking against the morning sunshine pouring in, I crack open an eye and see a single red rose lying on my pillow. I am still hurting, but there is something that makes me smile.

There was one guy – just one guy in the whole world – that would be sweet enough to sneak into her house, just to lay a rose beside her.

Ned.

I turn around and see him standing over me, smiling. He kneels down beside my bed, and gently strokes away the hair that falls over my eyes.

"Ned?"

He smiled again. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to wake up," he said and continued, "I love you the most when you're sleeping, though."

"Ned?" I whisper again and sit up slowly. And then with all the love my heart can hold, with all the emotion I held inside me for the past few months, I fall into his arms. "Oh, Ned."

He wraps his arms closer around me and kisses my cheek gently. "I'm so sorry, baby," he whispers.

"I'm sorry, too."

He leans down and gently presses his lips against mine. "I love you."

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I reply, "I love you, too."

"I couldn't lose you again, Nan. All I want now is to be with you. I never want to be apart from you again. I just love you so much."

For the next few minutes all I can do is cry in his arms. But these aren't the kind of tears I'd been shedding in the past. I'm crying because I'm happy. Ned loves me and I love him, and that's all that mattered.

After lingering in his arms a few minutes longer, I take a deep breath before asking him. "Ned?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still – do you still have that ring?"

He kisses me again – passionate this time. "I never gave up, Nan," he says softly and reaches into his pocket.

And the minute he slides that beautiful ring onto my finger is the best of my life. Happiness, ecstasy, love…my heart is just full of eclipsing emotions. And at that very moment, I am assured of one thing.

I will never have to face life alone again. I will always have Ned with me, until the end of time. My hand will always be in his, through thick, through thin…


End file.
